What to Audit lists a series of incarnations or a “time-track” from the beginnings of the universe to man: the evolution, or “genetic line,” of the human body. According to Hubbard, the “time-track” runs back to a point where the individual seemed to be “an atom, complete with electronic rings.” After which came the “cosmic impact,” then the “photon converter,” and then the first single-cell creature to reproduce by dividing, the “helper.” Passing quickly through “seaweed,” the evolutionary line moved on to “jellyfish” and then the “clam.” … The next stage in Hubbard’s evolutionary theory was another shellfish, the “Weeper” (also the “Boohoo,” or as Hubbard jovially refers to it at one point, “the Grim Weeper”). This creature is the origin of human “belching, gasping, sobbing, choking, shuddering, trembling.” Fear of falling has its origin with hapless Weepers which were dropped by predatory birds. After a few comments on “being eaten” (which allegedly explains diet fads and vegetarianism), Hubbard moves forward in evolution to the sloth. It seems that none of the incarnations between shellfish and the sloth was unpleasant enough to cause major psychological damage. From the sloth, Hubbard moves on to the “ape,” and the Piltdown man (who had very large teeth, and a nasty habit of eating his spouse); then the caveman (who presumably had smaller teeth, and used to cripple his wife instead of eating her). From there, usually “via Greece and Rome,” Hubbard’s theory moves to modern times. [page 131-132]
Whoa. I had no idea one of my ancestors was a creature whose skull contained a lower jaw from an orangutan and a cranium from a modern human that was buried by a hoaxster in a gravel pit in England in 1912. That’s what the Piltdown man was. So, technically he should come after “Greece and Rome” on the Scientology evolutionary tree. Sheesh, he’s young enough to be one of my grandparents.
Way to go, higher Scientological higher intelligences!
Dudes. I had no idea that unicorns are named in the Bible. Not kidding.
9 Will the unicorn be willing to serve thee, or abide by thy crib? 10 Canst thou bind the unicorn with his band in the furrow? or will he harrow the valleys after thee?
That’s from the book of Job, chapter 39, verses 9 and 10, King James version. That’s right: King James version. The one that so many fringe-dwellers claim is the best and greatest English translation of the Bible.
Some more recent translations substitute “wild ox” for “unicorn”.
Does this mean that the folks who support the Invisible Pink Unicorn have a Biblical basis for their arguments?
Okay. I’ve heard some wacky stuff before, but this has to be up near the top. I’ll just let it speak for itself.
“[M]ost of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches,” Daniels [a columnist on the Christian Broadcasting Network website] wrote. “I do not buy candy during the Halloween season. Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent whether they get it by going door to door or by purchasing it from the local grocery store. The demons cannot tell the difference.”
Sweet baby gouda. The worst thing I’ve gotten out of Halloween candy is a stomachache. Wait. Maybe that was a demon. Maybe I should have been exorcised. This may explain something.
To be fair, these are only two sentences out of a long column ranting about the pagan roots of Halloween and the threat demons pose to “good Christians”.
Because I’ve been asked, I’m posting this video. This is a homeopath trying to explain the physics behind homepathy.
Most of the science blogs I follow have been running surveys about how long their readers can stand the video before they are forced to turn it off because their heads start to hurt from the stupid. I made it about a minute thirty-five before I had to take a break.
slumber-powered 